office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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