you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
