Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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