anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
