Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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