I swear she didn't look like that last week.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize