So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
