I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
