Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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