I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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