so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
