First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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