I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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