Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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