i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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