think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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