you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
