I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
