I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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