I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
