Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
