you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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