just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
