I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
