but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
