It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
