I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
