I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
