did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
