The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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