I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
