She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
