I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
