I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
