tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
