U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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