why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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