Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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