i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
