she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
