I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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