Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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