In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
