i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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