trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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