According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
