I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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