Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
