T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
