You can't special order awesome
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
