I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
