We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
