Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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