When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
