When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
