You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bring money and cleavage
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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