no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
