No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just tell him i said nine months
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
