I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
