even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
