i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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