discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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