we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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