I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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