The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
