paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
