Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
