when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
