the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My breasts were aching with rage.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
