Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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